ASL Limericks

Old Noob

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There was a veteran ASL player named Nassle
who had thousands of scenarios to wrassle
"To play this right takes pluck
and a great deal of dumb luck
Cuz rallying DM troops is a hassle!"
 

CTKnudsen

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I once had a 9-2
Who had quite a mind to
Pass an MC
But all sixes rolled he
It could one day happen to you!
 

Michael Dorosh

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There once was a reviewer named Pitman
His pen he did wield like a hitman
On his site he deployed
Not just texts that annoy
But an ego the size of Mike Wittmann
 
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Honza

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There was a young leader in Rising Sun
Who led a banzai charge and got done
His squads all broke
His AFV was in smoke
And he died on a SAN dr of one
 

Honza

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There was a brown sniper in Bayond Valor
Who had an issue with his own color
He wanted to be blue
Instead he was brown
He took his anger out at the DR number
 

Honza

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There was a T-34 in Stalingrad's ruins
Which threw its tracks and got mired
The crew bailed out
A Gun they hired
And the nearest PzIV they acquired
 

Old Noob

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That studious player, Van Platta
has pored through reams of ASL data
good scenario plans he had in profusion
but alas, resulted in utter confusion
by overlooking a bit of MMP errata
 

Old Noob

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Oh that unlucky gamer, Tom Jower
would at his counters fiercely glower
"Though my plans are near perfection
they suffer from emphatic dice rejection
since my MMCs often will cower!"
 

Old Noob

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To use IFT or IIFT, thus is the question
that often results in Forum congestion
for one or the other, people will tout
but there's no need to loudly shout
have a QUIET debate is my suggestion
 

Michael Dorosh

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Limerick Rhythm
Now let’s take a look at the rhythm of the limerick. It goes by the complicated name “anapaestic,” but you don’t need to worry about that. What I want you to notice when you read or recite a limerick is that the first two lines and the last line have three “beats” in them, while the third and fourth lines have two “beats.” In other words, the rhythm of a limerick looks like this:

da DUM da da DUM da da DUM
da DUM da da DUM da da DUM
da DUM da da DUM
da DUM da da DUM
da DUM da da DUM da da DUM
The rhythm doesn’t have to exactly match this, but it needs to be close enough that it sounds the same when you read it. For example, using the limerick above about the fellow from Hall, if we emphasize the beats, it reads like this:

there WAS a young FELLow named HALL
who FELL in the SPRING in the FALL.
‘twould have BEEN a sad THING
had he DIED in the SPRING,
but he DIDn’t—he DIED in the FALL.
 ”

From here
 

Honza

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My favourite one is:

There was a young fellow at Trinity
Who took the square root of infinity
The number of digits
Gave him the fidgets
He dropped math and took up divinity
 

Binchois

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There once was a Sherman that mired
In the paddies to take Rate of Fire.
But a few lucky dice
Freed that tank from the rice
Now it's the Japanese Gun that's Acquired!

(...from Festung Anapaest, by Michael Dorosh) ;)
 
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Binchois

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An American squad was revealed
When it fired on a stack of Concealed.
But the Germans proved Dummies,
Which really was crummy,
Now exposed, our boys took to their heels!

(...from Hatten in Verse, Harold & Lloyd, eds.)
 

Binchois

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Across vast fields of rice we are stuck
Thanks to Korea's incredible luck.
So from Smith's Ridge we'll take flight
And for Seoul switch The Fight
'til the dice make us cry "WTF!'

(...from What's That Counter For? by Col. Paddy "Grainy" O'Fields)
 
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Old Noob

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Have you ever noticed that
your scenarios always go flat
When your ASL dice always conspire
to deny you rate of fire
While HIS always go ratta-tat-tat
 

Old Noob

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There was that gamer from Manitoba
who took mega-doses of ginkgo-biloba
"It's not for the game's timeline
but to remember: Put out feline!
Else my scenarios suffer from FOBA"
 

Old Noob

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It's enough to make one weep
playing ASL with little sleep
Going against the cream of the crop
from scenario to scenario non-stop
while trying for that tourney's clean sweep
 
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