Dear Skulky: The ASL Advice Column

[Old Noob]

Forget the deadbolt! Use facial recognition software! {works for Dot's pretzels}

 

[Sparafucil3]

My post was factual and expressed no political view on the question of firearms.
I will nevertheless delete Leslie's and my post, just to be sure we didn't trigger a useless conflict.

Being factually correct doesn't mean "not offensive".

At least that's what Skuly tells me. -- jim

 

[Robin Reeve]

I deleted my last post.

 

[Psycho]

Being factually correct doesn't mean "not offensive".

At least that's what Skuly tells me. -- jim

I’m offensive… uhm offended!

 

[dlazov]

I’m offensive… uhm offended!

Is that what that smell is? hmmm

 

[footsteps]

I’m offensive… uhm offended!

And?

 

[Actionjick]

Dear Skulky,
We have a rather robust group of twelve gamers who meet biweekly to play ASL or whatever game someone wants to play. It is a very relaxed event with no real rules.

A couple of meetings ago two of the players got into a dispute. It wasn't about the game they were playing but their snacks. The one is a vegetarian who was munching on a stalk of celery. His opponent whipped out a Slim Jim ( the meat stick ) and started to eat that. Words were exchanged and the situation got very unpleasant.

Fortunately cooler heads prevailed and the situation rapidly de-escalated. The two antagonists realized how silly it was and apologized to each other and the group. At that point a member proposed a rule where players would refrain from commenting on others snacks . An impromptu vote was held and it passed unanimously. This was a mistake.

One of the members is a bit of a barracks lawyer who likes to push the rules and demonstrated that at the next meeting. He showed up with a party sized bag of Cheetos which he promptly opened and started eating. He had a big cheesy grin on his face, Cheetos stuck to his teeth and fingers that looked like he was turning into The Thing. His opponent immediately resigned.

What should we have done in this messy situation?

Grossed Out in Groton

Dear Grossed Out,
Your first mistake was allowing snacks at all while actually playing. Beverages are fine as long as they are not on the gaming table.

Your second mistake was voting without thinking it through. Barracks Lawyer recognized this and took advantage of it.

In this situation BL's opponent did the only sensible thing

Skulky suggests another vote where the group bans snacks entirely or sets aside a brief amount of time for group snacking and most importantly washing up afterwards.

 

[von Marwitz]

What should we have done in this messy situation?

You should have heedfully explained to him that snacks can be hazardous:

They may contain lactose, gluten, sugar, carbs, and all sorts of chemical weapons that only companies like Nestlé are vile enough to contrive adding into foodstuffs. You can die all sorts of gruesome deaths by having snacks at the gaming table. Point out to the player, if he doesn't stop at once, it is all but guaranteed that he will feel excruciating pains in his abdomen and even lower down.

Be so kind and offer to accompany him to the nearest hospital at once to save the situation.
And to have your boot removed from his butt after kicking it for eating at the gaming table!

Nuff said.

Dr. von Marwitz

For further information, please contact:

 

[Old Noob]

Bill Mauldin cartoon:
A surly G.I. passes Willie and Joe, as if seeking out trouble.
"That can't be a combat man. He's looking for a fight."

 

[Actionjick]

Dear Skulky,
This has nothing to do with ASL but I need to vent.

At my job we have a system that puts work orders on the company phone. Not an unusual system and works quite well as long as the office inputs information correctly. This is usually not a problem except for one of the staff who only inputs information when filling in for the regulars. What bothers me is that she enters everything in CAPS! I'm very annoyed by this and always go back and edit her entries to eliminate the caps. I feel like bringing this up with our boss but there is a lot of side issues going on at the moment and I don't feel that this is the hill to die on. What do you suggest I do?

CAPPED OUT in Canton

Dear CAPPED OUT,
This is certainly not the hill to die on but clearly it is something causing you annoyance at the very least. I suggest you relieve this tension by engaging in some mind numbing activity. Clipping counters comes to mind.
Skulky

 

[Psycho]

Dear Skulky,
This has nothing to do with ASL but I need to vent.

At my job we have a system that puts work orders on the company phone. Not an unusual system and works quite well as long as the office inputs information correctly. This is usually not a problem except for one of the staff who only inputs information when filling in for the regulars. What bothers me is that she enters everything in CAPS! I'm very annoyed by this and always go back and edit her entries to eliminate the caps. I feel like bringing this up with our boss but there is a lot of side issues going on at the moment and I don't feel that this is the hill to die on. What do you suggest I do?

CAPPED OUT in Canton

Dear CAPPED OUT,
This is certainly not the hill to die on but clearly it is something causing you annoyance at the very least. I suggest you relieve this tension by engaging in some mind numbing activity. Clipping counters comes to mind.
Skulky

She’s obviously angry! Send her angry emails/texts back to establish dominance! RAWR!

 

[Actionjick]

She’s obviously angry! Send her angry emails/texts back to establish dominance! RAWR!

There are other ways to get back. She is quite overweight and the other day snarkily told my 53 year old redneck coworker that drinking all those Red Bulls was going to kill him. He immediately replied so does overeating!! LMFAOROTFL

Anyway she had to watch the office today but didn't bring enough to eat. The student/tenant/leasing consultant who usually covers on Friday afternoon had her final and couldn't come in. Around 3:00 she calls me with a work order. No problem I would have seen it on the company phone. Then she asks if I could cover the office while she gets something to eat.

I tell her I can't as I am the only one there to do the " urgent " work order she just called me about. She says OK and hangs up. I could have, and easily did, the work order in less than five minutes and could have then covered the office for her. I didn't. Don't dis my guys then ask for a favor.

 

[Psycho]

There are other ways to get back. She is quite overweight and the other day snarkily told my 53 year old redneck coworker that drinking all those Red Bulls was going to kill him. He immediately replied so does overeating!! LMFAOROTFL

Anyway she had to watch the office today but didn't bring enough to eat. The student/tenant/leasing consultant who usually covers on Friday afternoon had her final and couldn't come in. Around 3:00 she calls me with a work order. No problem I would have seen it on the company phone. Then she asks if I could cover the office while she gets something to eat.

I tell her I can't as I am the only one there to do the " urgent " work order she just called me about. She says OK and hangs up. I could have, and easily did, the work order in less than five minutes and could have then covered the office for her. I didn't. Don't dis my guys then ask for a favor.

Ed Zachry!

 

[Actionjick]

Dear Skulky

Unfortunately, your wise advice came too late. I decided to use the "George Washington" strategy and tell the truth.

"Darling", I said. "I cannot tell a lie. Wiener Schnitzel is indeed made of veal but I only eat it out of the purest of motives. How terrible would it be for those lovely calves to spend their short lives locked in crates and never seeing daylight if they knew that their sacrifice would be in vain if nobody ate them? Surely it is better to live life with a purpose than to waste it to no good end?"

I regret to say that my wife is not a logical woman and did not accept this line of argument.

I so wish that I had thought of your ingenious lying strategy. There is a reason why you are a famous agony uncle and I am now sleeping in the spare room. Regrettably, veal will now be joining such other banned sources of pleasure as cigarettes, full fat milk and deep fried Mars Bars.

Yours sadly,

Former Schnitzel Lover

Skulky has quite the sweet tooth but has forsaken such delights in an effort to keep the spare tire from inflating. I have to say though that if I was ever offered such a delicacy as a deep fried Mars bar the sweet tooth would prevail. I've never had one. Sigh.🥲

 

[Actionjick]

Dear Skulky,
This has nothing to do with ASL but I need to vent.

At my job we have a system that puts work orders on the company phone. Not an unusual system and works quite well as long as the office inputs information correctly. This is usually not a problem except for one of the staff who only inputs information when filling in for the regulars. What bothers me is that she enters everything in CAPS! I'm very annoyed by this and always go back and edit her entries to eliminate the caps. I feel like bringing this up with our boss but there is a lot of side issues going on at the moment and I don't feel that this is the hill to die on. What do you suggest I do?

CAPPED OUT in Canton

Dear CAPPED OUT,
This is certainly not the hill to die on but clearly it is something causing you annoyance at the very least. I suggest you relieve this tension by engaging in some mind numbing activity. Clipping counters comes to mind.
Skulky

Skulky does not mean to impugn mind numbing productive work. Far from it I embrace it. If you can go on automatic with the part of your brain doing the repetitive and use the other to think about ASL the results can be quite satisfying.

Whilst doing such repetitive tasks and thinking about how to beat Fish in the Guryev's Headquarters Series Replay I decided to use Opportunity Fire and Searching with HS to break his hold on the " death trap." Obvious now but not so common back then. That sort of worked. Lost the scenario anyway but what did you expect. Regardless if you can enter that mental state where it is pure ASL use it to your advantage.

 

[Actionjick]

Dear Skulky,
My opponent and I have a dilemma involving threads, the LOS type. I tend to use a very fine 60 wt thread while my opponent tends to use a much thicker 12 wt thread. This has occasionally led to disputes about blocked or clear LOS. Is there a standard thread wt for ASL?
Strung Out in Strongsville

Dear Strung Out
I am not aware of any such standard thread wt for ASL but perhaps our readers do. In the meantime I suggest purchasing a medium wt thread or alternating whose thread will be used for the scenario.

Skulky

 

[Actionjick]

Dear Skulky,
My opponent and I have a dilemma involving threads, the LOS type. I tend to use a very fine 60 wt thread while my opponent tends to use a much thicker 12 wt thread. This has occasionally led to disputes about blocked or clear LOS. Is there a standard thread wt for ASL?
Strung Out in Strongsville

Dear Strung Out
I am not aware of any such standard thread wt for ASL but perhaps our readers do. In the meantime I suggest purchasing a medium wt thread or alternating whose thread will be used for the scenario.

Skulky

Not sure why I thought about thread. Tired and unable to get to sleep can result in some weird thinking.

 

[Gamer72]

Threads too big ? No problem. Just use some Tippex* to make the dots bigger !

* (other brands are available)