D'Artagnan - The Three Musketeers - 2023.
At last; the Frenchies have managed to make a film in their own language about one of the most iconic historical group of characters ever put to paper. Those who have read the novel by Dumas know that it is a rip- roaring tale of friendship , loyalty , love and honour set amongst the backdrop of internecine squabbling between nation states under the guise of religious liberty. There is also a sense of charm and humour that exudes the books pages. A great template for a big screen kaleidoscope of thrills and emotional entertainment. Add to that , the inclusion of Eva Green and most men will start to chew their popcorn more slowly and deliberately and suck up the coke slowly and continuously in one long draw,.......until empty.
I have recently purchased the DVD and seen it on the small screen.
The first thing that stands out is that it begins very drably and dismally. What is wrong with film Directors these days. There seems to be an obsession with darker than usual lighting and shadow. I do understand that they are covering up CGI effects and backdrops........but I want freaking colour........lots of it. This is probably the most colorful period in human history. The year 1627 was replete with fancy clothing worn by both men and women. Men used to wear lace frill shirts and and appendices to thrill the women and vice versa.....and here we have a plethora of people wearing costumes that would suit a Batman Gotham city landscape or even a Tim Burton Film.
I do Not want DISMAL SET ATMOSPHERE and costumery....the World is dismal enough in real life as it is. People go to the freakin cinema to be entertained; to be transporeted mentally into a different time and environment.
You maybe think that I am exaggerrating....well looksee what we have showing up not so long ago.........Napoleon the Movie by Ridley Scott. Another dark light Gotham City production on an iconic historical French figure... Boney !.
Napoleon and the Three Musketeers and lets not forget Eva Green are three of my favourite French things...................... So , I have a bit of skin in the game.
Napoleon - the movie is entertaining but fell short of a lot of expectation..a lot of people were disappointed and readily so.....and we now have the second pale of cold water thrown in our faces. I have difficulty criticizing a film that has Eva Green as one of it's cast members but my unrequited feelings for her will not stay my sword or anger.
Back to the start of the Film......let us make a viable contrast with the start of the Three Musketeers film - Richard Lester 1973......Epic music with slashing of swords which rises to a crescendo........you are immediately drawn in. The new film starts like a mouse sqeaaking and hobbling out of it's hole slowly to sniff some cheese, and this continues for quite some time. Brilliant narrative of the historical turmoil of the period in on screen writing..........no doubt penned by the precocious 12 year old daughter of the Director or producer. I would bet money on it !.
The soundtrack to this film is in a word..........DULL ! . Oh , it has some moments. About 73 million buckaroos to make......some savings had to be made so the precocious 12 year old daughter was given intensive music lessons at the Academie De Musique in Paris and obviously her tutor added some of his flair to the proceedings as to make it look like her own.....that explains that anomaly.
Soundtrack - Nil pointes.
See what I mean...you are seduced from the start.......This is gonna be good !
Has the Director actually read the freaking book or is he like Ridley Scott , relying on some Chinese guy whose second language is English to clue him into the life and times of Chairman Mao or Napoleon. To add credit where it is due...the plot is more faithful to the boiok than other retelling.....Athos' trial being a perfect example and Milady throwing herself off a cliff which is a bit of weirdness in the book. There is limited character definition..........All the Musketeers have basically the same personality.......gruff and matter of fact. You can interpose them at will. D'Artagnan has the personality of well ; the average Frenchie... " I speeek Frrrench with ze accent which excites the woman and I do not need a personality ".........Oh yes you freakin do; especially when portraying different characters in a major movie production.
No wonder little French boys like batman....they probably think he is actually French. Having D'Artagnan as a pretty boy who has a French accent will mesmerise dopey teenage girls and the odd granny but the rest of the public want more meat on the bone. N'EST CE PAS !.
The screenplay writer was about to be sentenced to death by hanging but after seeing the whole movie, I have decided that he should give back half the money he was paid and be given a swift kick in the derriere and told to go work for Disney Productions or at least finish reading the , How to Write an effective Screenplay For Dummies book by that Sid guy. They might have a Chinese version translated into French.
But let us not be bleak and dismal..........................tis the season to be jolly.
It has Eva Green in it....all four and a half minutes of her....Sigh ! and if you saw it in the cinema........heaving cleavage the size of a baby elephant. Hell - does she sound good in her own language.........like pouring slightly heated honey in you ears. Hopefully she will have 15 minutes in the second film, ( Milady ) which is in theaters now.
It is not a bad film....it is an acceptable film.....it reeks of onions and adequacy. It does not do Alexandre Dumas justice.......it does not do French Cinema justice........it does not overshadow non French productions.
Do you think that anyone will be humming the musical score in days , weeks or months; it is too drab to excite little boys into a timeless tale of Honor and friendship..............it is but a sign of the times we now live in............a pitch of expectation is met with another pair of socks for Christmas. C'est la smelly vie.....the little mouse comes out of his hole to a cheesy smell which is not sustenance for the stomach or soul.
ALL For One and thankfully the one was Eva Green....a small light that sparkles in the mouse hole.
4.5/10. Could have been so much better as with the Napoleon movie....Squeak !
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...- I have seen a paper review which talks about a complicated plot and that Keanu Reeves' acting is the same deadpan as it usually is. He looks pretty good for a 57 year old compared to Daniel Craig ( Bond ) who is 4 years younger. Maybe Reeves should play Bond.
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