Dear Skulky: The ASL Advice Column

[Old Noob]

Forget the deadbolt! Use facial recognition software! {works for Dot's pretzels}

 

[Sparafucil3]

My post was factual and expressed no political view on the question of firearms.
I will nevertheless delete Leslie's and my post, just to be sure we didn't trigger a useless conflict.

Being factually correct doesn't mean "not offensive".

At least that's what Skuly tells me. -- jim

 

[Robin Reeve]

I deleted my last post.

 

[Psycho]

Being factually correct doesn't mean "not offensive".

At least that's what Skuly tells me. -- jim

I’m offensive… uhm offended!

 

[dlazov]

I’m offensive… uhm offended!

Is that what that smell is? hmmm

 

[footsteps]

I’m offensive… uhm offended!

And?

 

[Actionjick]

Dear Skulky,
We have a rather robust group of twelve gamers who meet biweekly to play ASL or whatever game someone wants to play. It is a very relaxed event with no real rules.

A couple of meetings ago two of the players got into a dispute. It wasn't about the game they were playing but their snacks. The one is a vegetarian who was munching on a stalk of celery. His opponent whipped out a Slim Jim ( the meat stick ) and started to eat that. Words were exchanged and the situation got very unpleasant.

Fortunately cooler heads prevailed and the situation rapidly de-escalated. The two antagonists realized how silly it was and apologized to each other and the group. At that point a member proposed a rule where players would refrain from commenting on others snacks . An impromptu vote was held and it passed unanimously. This was a mistake.

One of the members is a bit of a barracks lawyer who likes to push the rules and demonstrated that at the next meeting. He showed up with a party sized bag of Cheetos which he promptly opened and started eating. He had a big cheesy grin on his face, Cheetos stuck to his teeth and fingers that looked like he was turning into The Thing. His opponent immediately resigned.

What should we have done in this messy situation?

Grossed Out in Groton

Dear Grossed Out,
Your first mistake was allowing snacks at all while actually playing. Beverages are fine as long as they are not on the gaming table.

Your second mistake was voting without thinking it through. Barracks Lawyer recognized this and took advantage of it.

In this situation BL's opponent did the only sensible thing

Skulky suggests another vote where the group bans snacks entirely or sets aside a brief amount of time for group snacking and most importantly washing up afterwards.

 

[von Marwitz]

What should we have done in this messy situation?

You should have heedfully explained to him that snacks can be hazardous:

They may contain lactose, gluten, sugar, carbs, and all sorts of chemical weapons that only companies like Nestlé are vile enough to contrive adding into foodstuffs. You can die all sorts of gruesome deaths by having snacks at the gaming table. Point out to the player, if he doesn't stop at once, it is all but guaranteed that he will feel excruciating pains in his abdomen and even lower down.

Be so kind and offer to accompany him to the nearest hospital at once to save the situation.
And to have your boot removed from his butt after kicking it for eating at the gaming table!

Nuff said.

Dr. von Marwitz

For further information, please contact:

 

[Old Noob]

Bill Mauldin cartoon:
A surly G.I. passes Willie and Joe, as if seeking out trouble.
"That can't be a combat man. He's looking for a fight."