Dear Skulky: The ASL Advice Column

[Sparafucil3]

Dear Skulky,
After a recent and highly unsuccessful foray into counter clipping I am left with a rather sizable number of mutilated counters. I am loath to just throw them into the trash as my lack of manual dexterity is not their fault. Do you have a suggestion as to what would be an honorable way to deal with these unfortunate counters who had served me so well? Btw they are totally unusable for any serious scenario.

Can't Clip in Cleveland

Dear Can't Clip,
Skulky ventured briefly, very briefly, into counter clipping wwbitd. After destroying six or so counters I decided a more profitable use of my time would be scooping the litter boxes. Or even better reading the rules.

As to your counters there are a few options.

One is the Viking funeral pyre. Skulky has a story about such a sendoff for a cockroach at Machinist Mates school but I digress.
As honorable the Viking option is this is the alternative that I prefer.

Some time back a thread described decoupaging counters on a table top. I suggest you do the same and use it as your gaming table. Not only is the a fitting use for those poor counters but a reminder that some things should be left to those with dexterity, talent and patience. Olli for example.

Dear Skulky,
@olli doesn't have clipping talent. He uses one of those new fangled tools which does all the work for him. All he has to do is squeeze. Real clipping talent uses nail clippers. He does have the patience of a saint though. Clipping counters on a 1:1 scale for the Werhmacht isn't for the faint of heart.

 

[Actionjick]

Dear Skulky,
@olli doesn't have clipping talent. He uses one of those new fangled tools which does all the work for him. All he has to do is squeeze. Real clipping talent uses nail clippers. He does have the patience of a saint though. Clipping counters on a 1:1 scale for the Werhmacht isn't for the faint of heart.

You are so old school!

 

[von Marwitz]

Dear Skulky,
After a recent and highly unsuccessful foray into counter clipping I am left with a rather sizable number of mutilated counters. I am loath to just throw them into the trash as my lack of manual dexterity is not their fault. Do you have a suggestion as to what would be an honorable way to deal with these unfortunate counters who had served me so well? Btw they are totally unusable for any serious scenario.

Can't Clip in Cleveland

Dear Can't Clip,
Skulky ventured briefly, very briefly, into counter clipping wwbitd. After destroying six or so counters I decided a more profitable use of my time would be scooping the litter boxes. Or even better reading the rules.

As to your counters there are a few options.

One is the Viking funeral pyre. Skulky has a story about such a sendoff for a cockroach at Machinist Mates school but I digress.
As honorable the Viking option is this is the alternative that I prefer.

Some time back a thread described decoupaging counters on a table top. I suggest you do the same and use it as your gaming table. Not only is the a fitting use for those poor counters but a reminder that some things should be left to those with dexterity, talent and patience. Olli for example.

Dear Can't Clipper,

first of all, you deserve some suffering for the attempt to clip counters without the Deluxe Oregon Counter Clipper. So, concentrate on suffering while counting to 1000, then resume reading.

You may be helped though. Just a day back or so, there was a thread here or on Discord - you'll have to suffer to find out - about the possibilities of regrowing the edges of clipped counters.

I believe that @olli graciously offered a couple of kilos of counter clippings for people in need. We know that the wall-of-RAACO man must be deadly serious about this. It is not inconceivable, that he has sorted the counter clippings by nationality, Vehicle type, etc. If not, it is you who has to suffer to pick the correct clippings from the gazillions he has.

Repaired counters is - needless to say - not the optimal solution for any serious ASL nerd worth his salt. It will be nagging at you forever - and you will suffer.

Having senselessy mutilated 6 counters, I believe there is but one single clean solution:
You have to buy a completely new ASL kit. It might require some funds to cover the 15(?) core modules, numerous HASLs etc. But you will feel better afterwards. And while you are at it, don't forget to buy that Oregon clipper - you won't even feel the additional cost.

Following this path of righteousness, you will have atoned for your sinful imperfect clipping and the ASL community will accept you, the lost son, once more with open arms into the fold.


Dr. von Marwitz

 

[von Marwitz]

Real clipping talent uses nail clippers.

I am still reeling from this abominable line...

von Marwitz

 

[Sparafucil3]

Dear Can't Clipper,

first of all, you deserve some suffering for the attempt to clip counters without the Deluxe Oregon Counter Clipper. So, concentrate on suffering while counting to 1000, then resume reading.

You may be helped though. Just a day back or so, there was a thread here or on Discord - you'll have to suffer to find out - about the possibilities of regrowing the edges of clipped counters.

I believe that @olli graciously offered a couple of kilo of counter clippings for people in need. We know that the wall-of-RAACO man must be deadly serious about this. It is not inconceivable, that he has sorted the counter clippings by nationality, Vehicle type, etc. If not, it is you who has to suffer to pick the correct clippings from the gazillions he has.

Repaired counters is - needless to say - not the optimal solution for any serious ASL nerd worth his salt. It will be nagging at you forever - and you will suffer.

Having senselessy mutilated 6 counters, I believe there is but one single clean solution:
You have to buy a completely new ASL kit. It might require some funds to cover the 15(?) core modules, numerous HASLs etc. But you will feel better afterwards. And while you are at it, don't forget to buy that Oregon clipper - you won't even feel the additional cost.

Following this path of righteousness, you will have atoned for your sinful imperfect clipping and the ASL community will accept you, the lost son, once more with open arms into the fold.


Dr. von Marwitz

Dear Dr,

Perhaps you are off the good stuff. Supply in the East is rough around Volga this time of year. Using that Oregon monstrosity requires zero talent. There is no need to put your hear and soul into the care of your counters. No need for careful consideration of exactly which pieces of counter to remove. You heartlessly smash the counter into the metal tray and snip away what ever obstructs the device. No thought. No care. No thrill of a job done well. I mean, they have the name of an American state in them. They break all the time. EVEN A HIWI COULD CLIP COUNTERS WITH THESE. Counters clipped with this are equivalent to Russian whiskey.

 

[Sparafucil3]

I am still reeling from this abominable line...

von Marwitz

I am still reeling from the Dr's approval of "Russian whiskey". -- jim

 

[Actionjick]

Dear Skulky,
A very elderly gentleman and lifelong gamer has just joined our local board gaming club. He is a great old guy who has played ASL for years and is a very good gamer, a joy to play, except for one rather annoying habit. He will have nothing to do with those newfangled dice cups or dice towers and insists on rolling his dice, non precision btw, in the box lid of whatever ASL module the scenario he is playing is from. While he appears feeble his dice rolling arm has decades of gaming experience and his rolls are extremely vigorous.

As a result his dice are constantly flying out of the box lid and onto the floor. This is annoying enough as it is but when playing something like Streets of Fire or Red Barricades it is even worse! On top of that he has a bad back and each time he retrieves his errant dice it is accompanied by moans and groans and mutterings of " oh, me back." It makes for a rather long game not to mention a rather depressing experience for his opponents who see in him themselves in x number of years.

Skulky we all love this old guy and his stories of gaming wwbitd. He was a world class Advanced Cohort Leader player btw. Is there anything we can do to convince this honorable old gamer to change his dice throwing to something slightly more modern?
Trying to be Tolerant in Toledo

Dear Trying,
The short answer is no. Someone of those Advanced years is not going to easily change. However if you really want to try Skulky suggests this.

When playing him mention that he seems to be favoring his throwing arm. Asks if his arthritis is affecting his elbow. Express heartfelt concern and suggest a short break to give his arm a rest. Keep this up for a few turns and then casually admit that you also threw in a box lid for years but switched to a dice tower when your elbow started to hurt.

This almost certainly won't work and he will most likely call you a wussy who can't take it but wtf. Old dudes are crotchety.

 

[von Marwitz]

Dear Skulky,
A very elderly gentleman and lifelong gamer has just joined our local board gaming club. He is a great old guy who has played ASL for years and is a very good gamer, a joy to play, except for one rather annoying habit. He will have nothing to do with those newfangled dice cups or dice towers and insists on rolling his dice, non precision btw, in the box lid of whatever ASL module the scenario he is playing is from. While he appears feeble his dice rolling arm has decades of gaming experience and his rolls are extremely vigorous.

As a result his dice are constantly flying out of the box lid and onto the floor. This is annoying enough as it is but when playing something like Streets of Fire or Red Barricades it is even worse! On top of that he has a bad back and each time he retrieves his errant dice it is accompanied by moans and groans and mutterings of " oh, me back." It makes for a rather long game not to mention a rather depressing experience for his opponents who see in him themselves in x number of years.

Skulky we all love this old guy and his stories of gaming wwbitd. He was a world class Advanced Cohort Leader player btw. Is there anything we can do to convince this honorable old gamer to change his dice throwing to something slightly more modern?
Trying to be Tolerant in Toledo

Dear Trying,
The short answer is no. Someone of those Advanced years is not going to easily change. However if you really want to try Skulky suggests this.

When playing him mention that he seems to be favoring his throwing arm. Asks if his arthritis is affecting his elbow. Express heartfelt concern and suggest a short break to give his arm a rest. Keep this up for a few turns and then casually admit that you also threw in a box lid for years but switched to a dice tower when your elbow started to hurt.

This almost certainly won't work and he will most likely call you a wussy who can't take it but wtf. Old dudes are crotchety.

Dear Trying Tolerant,

I will keep this short:

1. You should bow to the experience of this old gent. And while you are at it, pick up his dice.

2. You call yourself "Trying to be Tolerant". So, ad 1) don't be trying. Ad 2) tolerant stems from Latin - tolerare = to endure, to bear. Nuff said.

3. #2 also applies to the old gent. GRENADIER commences tomorrow. Tell him to suck it up, because a summons to Volkssturm is on its way...

Dr. von Marwitz

 

[Actionjick]

Dear Trying Tolerant,

I will keep this short:

1. You should bow to the experience of this old gent. And while you are at it, pick up his dice.

2. You call yourself "Trying to be Tolerant". So, ad 1) don't be trying. Ad 2) tolerant stems from Latin - tolerare = to endure, to bear. Nuff said.

3. #2 also applies to the old gent. GRENADIER commences tomorrow. Tell him to suck it up, because a summons to Volkssturm is on its way...

Dr. von Marwitz

As always sage advice from Herr Doktor von Marwitz.

 

[Actionjick]

Skulky is reaching out for some advice.

Tomorrow is our 45th anniversary. For several years we planned to go to a very local German American restaurant called Henry Wahners on our anniversary. We never made it. Opting to cook on the grill instead.Tomorrow we are definitely going there.

Actiondebbie is going to have the prime rib but I fancy something more German and will have the schnitzel. My question is what sides and especially what beverage goes well with schnitzel? I've never had this before and would appreciate any advice.
Thanks, Skulky in Kent not wanting to appear uncouth.

 

[von Marwitz]

Skulky is reaching out for some advice.

Tomorrow is our 45th anniversary. For several years we planned to go to a very local German American restaurant called Henry Wahners on our anniversary. Ee never made it. Opting to cook on the grill instead.Tomorrow we are definitely going there.

Actiondebbie is going to have the prime rib but I fancy something more German and will have the schnitzel. My question is what sides and especially what beverage goes well with schnitzel? I've never had this before and would appreciate any advice.
Thanks, Skulky in Kent not wanting to appear uncouth.

Dear Skulky,

you go out to eat German and truly ask for a fitting beverage?!
You ain't serious, now are you.

Dr. von Marwitz

P.S.
I understand now. Your question was German humor!

 

[Actionjick]

Dear Skulky,

you go out to eat German and truly ask for a fitting beverage?!
You ain't serious, now are you.

Dr. von Marwitz

P.S.
I understand now. Your question was German humor!

We went to the German-American restaurant. The portions were enormous and very tasty! When the server brought out Actiondebbie's prime rib I had to laugh out loud, it was gigantic!

I had the schnitzel with spaetzle. It was very good and also enough for two or three meals. I ate all the spaetzle though! It reminded me of my grandmother's dumplings.

For beverages I had whiskey sours and a margarita. Not exactly German but wtf. Got the job done!

 

[Actionjick]

Dear Readers,

Skulky received this message from Tolerant in Toledo and felt obligated to share it with you all.

Dear Skulky,
I decided to follow the " excellent advice " of Herr Doktor von Marwitz and you regarding the old gamer whose dice regularly ended up out of the box and on the floor. Pick them up! Herr Doktor said. Ok, sounds reasonable and something polite to do for an elder.

Recently I played this " gentleman " in Backs To The Sea. As I bent down to pick up his eighth errant dice roll from the floor I felt an excruciating pain in my back. I fell to the floor writhing in pain with a dislocated vertebra, his dice inches from my head. As I lay there in pain the old man sat there laughing and calling me a wussy.

I am now unable to work due to this incident. Any further " advice " from you and Herr Doktor will be handled through my attorneys.
Not Tolerant Anymore

I would remind Not Tolerant that Skulky said early on that anyone seeking advice here should know better. See you in court.

Great choice of a scenario btw!

 

[Doug Leslie]

Dear Skulky

Since I was a young man, I have always loved Wiener Schnitzel. When I met my future wife, I discovered that she strongly disapproved of eating veal. What was I to do if I was going to be able to pursue my romance while also eating my favourite food? Well, obviously I told her that Wiener Schnitzel was made of pork and the problem was solved. I have been married for many years and have eaten Schnitzel to my heart's content.
Last night, we were watching "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?" on TV. The contestant was doing well and reached the £125000 question. The question was

"What is Wiener Schnitzel made of?

a. Chicken
b. Pork
c. Lamb
d. Veal"

The contestant did not know the answer. He asked for the "50 50" lifeline" which came down to veal or pork. He wrongly guessed that the answer was pork and lost all his money. My wife was shouting at the screen that the answer was correct. Now she is talking about writing to the programme makers to complain. What should I do? Do I admit that I have been lying to her for thirty years or should I leave the country?

Yours anxiously,

Schnitzel Lover

 

[Actionjick]

Dear Skulky

Since I was a young man, I have always loved Wiener Schnitzel. When I met my future wife, I discovered that she strongly disapproved of eating veal. What was I to do if I was going to be able to pursue my romance while also eating my favourite food? Well, obviously I told her that Wiener Schnitzel was made of pork and the problem was solved. I have been married for many years and have eaten Schnitzel to my heart's content.
Last night, we were watching "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?" on TV. The contestant was doing well and reached the £125000 question. The question was

"What is Wiener Schnitzel made of?

a. Chicken
b. Pork
c. Lamb
d. Veal"

The contestant did not know the answer. He asked for the "50 50" lifeline" which came down to veal or pork. He wrongly guessed that the answer was pork and lost all his money. My wife was shouting at the screen that the answer was correct. Now she is talking about writing to the programme makers to complain. What should I do? Do I admit that I have been lying to her for thirty years or should I leave the country?

Yours anxiously,

Schnitzel Lover

Dear Schnitzel Lover,
Prevarication is your only salvation. Tell her that you were told decades ago that it was pork and honestly believed what you had been told. If she believes that then you are off the hook for a while until your craving for schnitzel becomes overwhelming. At that point just sneak out for a quick dinner.
Also locate and update your passport.

 

[Actionjick]

Dear Skulky

Since I was a young man, I have always loved Wiener Schnitzel. When I met my future wife, I discovered that she strongly disapproved of eating veal. What was I to do if I was going to be able to pursue my romance while also eating my favourite food? Well, obviously I told her that Wiener Schnitzel was made of pork and the problem was solved. I have been married for many years and have eaten Schnitzel to my heart's content.
Last night, we were watching "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?" on TV. The contestant was doing well and reached the £125000 question. The question was

"What is Wiener Schnitzel made of?

a. Chicken
b. Pork
c. Lamb
d. Veal"

The contestant did not know the answer. He asked for the "50 50" lifeline" which came down to veal or pork. He wrongly guessed that the answer was pork and lost all his money. My wife was shouting at the screen that the answer was correct. Now she is talking about writing to the programme makers to complain. What should I do? Do I admit that I have been lying to her for thirty years or should I leave the country?

Yours anxiously,

Schnitzel Lover

Skulky also suggests that you read L Bunny's thread on The Wife. Information from an insider can be so helpful!

 

[Doug Leslie]

Dear Schnitzel Lover,
Prevarication is your only salvation. Tell her that you were told decades ago that it was pork and honestly believed what you had been told. If she believes that then you are off the hook for a while until your craving for schnitzel becomes overwhelming. At that point just sneak out for a quick dinner.
Also locate and update your passport.

Dear Skulky

Unfortunately, your wise advice came too late. I decided to use the "George Washington" strategy and tell the truth.

"Darling", I said. "I cannot tell a lie. Wiener Schnitzel is indeed made of veal but I only eat it out of the purest of motives. How terrible would it be for those lovely calves to spend their short lives locked in crates and never seeing daylight if they knew that their sacrifice would be in vain if nobody ate them? Surely it is better to live life with a purpose than to waste it to no good end?"

I regret to say that my wife is not a logical woman and did not accept this line of argument.

I so wish that I had thought of your ingenious lying strategy. There is a reason why you are a famous agony uncle and I am now sleeping in the spare room. Regrettably, veal will now be joining such other banned sources of pleasure as cigarettes, full fat milk and deep fried Mars Bars.

Yours sadly,

Former Schnitzel Lover

 

[Actionjick]

Dear Skulky

Unfortunately, your wise advice came too late. I decided to use the "George Washington" strategy and tell the truth.

"Darling", I said. "I cannot tell a lie. Wiener Schnitzel is indeed made of veal but I only eat it out of the purest of motives. How terrible would it be for those lovely calves to spend their short lives locked in crates and never seeing daylight if they knew that their sacrifice would be in vain if nobody ate them? Surely it is better to live life with a purpose than to waste it to no good end?"

I regret to say that my wife is not a logical woman and did not accept this line of argument.

I so wish that I had thought of your ingenious lying strategy. There is a reason why you are a famous agony uncle and I am now sleeping in the spare room. Regrettably, veal will now be joining such other banned sources of pleasure as cigarettes, full fat milk and deep fried Mars Bars.

Yours sadly,

Former Schnitzel Lover

Dear Former,
I fear tofu may be on your culinary horizon.

My friend there is a world of difference between lying and prevaracation in the interest of self preservation.

 

[von Marwitz]

Dear Skulky

Unfortunately, your wise advice came too late. I decided to use the "George Washington" strategy and tell the truth.

"Darling", I said. "I cannot tell a lie. Wiener Schnitzel is indeed made of veal but I only eat it out of the purest of motives. How terrible would it be for those lovely calves to spend their short lives locked in crates and never seeing daylight if they knew that their sacrifice would be in vain if nobody ate them? Surely it is better to live life with a purpose than to waste it to no good end?"

I regret to say that my wife is not a logical woman and did not accept this line of argument.

I so wish that I had thought of your ingenious lying strategy. There is a reason why you are a famous agony uncle and I am now sleeping in the spare room. Regrettably, veal will now be joining such other banned sources of pleasure as cigarettes, full fat milk and deep fried Mars Bars.

Yours sadly,

Former Schnitzel Lover

Dear former Schnitzel Lover,

here is the solution for you:

Surely it is no lie if you tell your wife that American scientists claim to have found out that for each piece of jewelry ever created throughout human history, the prerequisite was for one or more heads of veal etc. to die.

Your wife will invite you to your favourite Schnitzel restaurant in short order and you can enjoy your schnitzel in good conscience, because American scientists claim to have found any inconceivable bull in and beyond imagination.

Dr. von Marwitz

 

[Actionjick]

Dear Skulky,
I am not looking so much for advice as a shoulder to cry on. My story.
My wife and I were called out of town for a family emergency and had no idea how long we would be gone. The unexpected and urgent nature of our departure meant we could not arrange for our usual house sitter for the cats, dogs and garden. My wife's brother, Emmet, knew of our dilemma and graciously offered his services which we gladly accepted.
Emmet is a great guy, a fine brother in law but he has a mild case of OCD. Not Monk level OCD but it's there nonetheless. He likes things in alphabetical and numeric order, nothing outlandish.

We returned home after a week, the emergency not as serious as initially feared, to find the house much as we had left it. The mail was organized alphabetically as was our extensive collection of vinyl records, which we had meant to do for ages!

We offered to pay Emmet but he declined since he WFH and house sitting didn't impact his job. We insisted on treating him sometime at his favorite restaurant which he happily accepted and then he left with our well wishes and thanks.

After settling in I went to my game room to refresh my memory about the RB CG that was laid out on my game table awaiting the next CG day. The table was bare, not a counter to be seen! In a panic I could only assume that Emmet had put the counters in their trays, which was odd since he doesn't play ASL and knows nothing about my storage system. I grabbed the German Infantry tray and almost dropped it in shock.

Instead of neatly arranged compartments of Germans there were neatly arranged compartments of everything! All nationalities, squads, vehicles, you name it all together. I checked another tray, then another and another after that. All the same mix of nationalities. Then I noticed something. All the counters in the tray I was holding had " c " as their identity, the next tray was all " a ". My entire ASL kit was now arranged alphabetically and numerically. Those without an identity were all in their own trays, now marked with an " x".

Skulky that's my story. I still love Emmet and we did take him to his favorite restaurant where I drowned my sorrows with margaritas. Not sure when the CG will resume or how he worked so fast. It's taking me forever to sort these.

Thanks for listening.
Sorting in St. Louis

Dear Sorting,
You have my condolences. Wwbitd I met an individual at a small SL event who used that storage system. But that was SL with way less counters. Good luck and don't hold it against Emmet. I'm mildly OCD myself with a compunction to rescue worms on the sidewalk. Don't ask.

My only advice is to put a deadbolt on your gameroom door.