Austria's turn 26 (out of 26)
Is it on? Can I start?
So here we are, reporting live from the charred battlefield of Aspern-Essling, where the sight of death and destruction is all around us. We’ve managed to get an exclusive, no-holds barred interview with the victor of this gashly competition, Archduke Charles.
Reporter: Your Highness, this seems to have been a hard-fought, deadly battle. Do you feel the sobering effect that the view of all the death and destruction that surrounds us brings? Does it give you pause to think “War, *cough,cough* -pardon- war, what is it good for�
Arch. Charles: Absolutely! Nothing, and I’ll say it again, nothing could be further removed from the truth!
First of all, let me say that no Frenchmen were in any way killed, maimed or hurt in the execution of this battle. All operations were conducted under the supervision of (Austria?/French?) human rights associations, even if they ended up sending us their trainees (and we’re sorry for the ones we *cough* accidentally *cough* shot).
Q: Be we saw soldiers lying on the ground on our way over and they weren’t moving. Surely they were dead?!
A: I beg to differ. Obviously, those men –2, 3 or 7, not more- bumped against very dense, small spherical, slow-speed objects and are momentarily stunned. Just got the wind knocked out of them, nothing more nothing less. Of course, we’ll have a committee looking into the matter. All that bumping can be a pain, so to speak.
Q: I see... So I take it that you’re pleased with the outcome of this battle?
A: Certainly! I’ve already heard some retreating French troops dismissing the whole thing as a tie, taunting us with their cries of “send us the bill to Viennaâ€, or threatening “you gave us a bloody nose, we give you a bloody mess†but I’m sure they know they were hit preeeeety hard.
Q: And what, do you think, will be the strategic implications of this Austrian victory?
A: Well first of all, I will personally enforce and supervise abolishing the use of these bloody white uniforms! Not only are they too expensive to clean, but also the time it takes to get them pristine again greatly diminishes the operational readiness of this glorious army. My sole doubt lies only in choosing the new color we’ll be using; either red or black.
Red is adequate when you expect to do a lot of “bumpingâ€, but it’s too flashy for a battlefield. You have to be pretty vain, self-conceited, cocky, smart-alecky and snobbish to dress a full army in red. That’s why only the British wear red uniforms.
Black’s good because it’s discreet and most of the stains won’t be visible, but it has a serious drawback: it’s like a huge neon sign if you happen to have dandruff. And you can be sure that dandruff will fall with all the marching and riding... Of course, we’ll have a committee looking into it.
Q: But surely, an event of this magnitude will change the strategic picture in other, perhaps more relevant, ways, no?
A: I fail to understand that “more relevant†comment of yours, but if you want to discuss equally relevant strategic implications, I’ll gladly give you one.
I’m 100% convinced that this is the last we’ve heard of Napoleon and his goons. Read my lips: there’s absolutely no way this rabble will be able to mount an attack – let alone a major battle! - In the next 2 months. If that happens, I’ll grow a Mohawk! And before you call me crazy, I’m nor the only one that thinks in this way. The Austrian Court Official Fortune Teller confirmed this conviction of mine some minutes ago. There’s no need for a committee to figure this one out!
Q: Right... Moving on... What can you tell our viewers about the performance of the Austrian Army? Did you encounter any problems or did the machine performed flawlessly?
A: I’m more than happy to share with you and the viewers at home the highs and lows of my army. Just excuse me for a second while I taunt that passing captured french officer, whom I believe to be General de Division St. Hilare.
HEI FRENCHIE! NOW, WHO’S YOUR DADDY? WHO’S THE MAN? BETTER LEARN TO SPELL HERZHERZOG KARL PROPERLY, OR I’LL BE FORCED TO KICK THAT CHEESIE BUTT OF YOURS AGAIN!
Now, where were we? Ah ja, the performance of the Austrian Army. Well, I believe we made good use of some terrain features, notably the swamp area in the center of the battlefield and the canal that runs along the villages of Aspern and Essling. That canal made a good, if not perfect, barrier to the advances of french cavalry by causing disorganization amongst the ranks.
The swamp seemed to provide a good physical barrier to prevent french infantry to reinforce their left flank and, most importantly, making sure that french cavalry couldn’t charge – remember that, from the Austrian point of view, the french advantage in heavy cavalry was the biggest threat.
So with that threat neutralized we pressed hard on the french left flank, with two goals: occupying Aspern and clearing the woods to its south. We did this by engaging in a simultaneous frontal and flank attack.
While this was happening on the french left, I decided to hold back any attacks on the (french) right, at lest until I had a firm hold on the left.
I believe we also did a good job with our arty. We managed to choose good, dominant features and set our guns there. From most of those positions we were able to support the infantry by hitting both the french units manning the frontlines and the more distant units that were deploying. And considering that the gunners had to displace into new positions several times, I think that side of operations went well.
When the french left flank seemed enough battered, I started making contact with the french right in the area around Essling. It proved to be better defended than I expected, but I had 2 columns with decent man-power converging on the village, so I was confident that I cold take it.
This final phase revolved around using in-line infantry, arty fire at close range, some healthy doses of melleeing and lots of finger-crossing, to hold on to the objectives. Between you and me, these frenchmen have a quality that can make the difference, if they catch you looking the other way. But I can deny I made this last comment.
Q: No, you can’t Sir. This is a live broadcasting.
A: I see... Aren’t you using that 5 second delay rule?
Q: No Sir.
A: I’ll keep that in mind. I beginning to feel tempted to show a breast and its attached nipple.
Q: (roll eyes) So... It seems that everything went flawlessly for the Austrian Army. Was it a mere milk run? A walk in the park? A walk in the park whilst going on a milk run? A walk in the park while going on a milk run eating a piece of cake?
A: It does look like that, doesn’t it? But it’s mere propaganda, really. Remember, we’re dealing in the realm of Warfare. You know: “a plan never survives the first contact with the enemyâ€, “expect the unexpectedâ€, “the fog of war rules the battlefieldâ€, “in war the best plans are the simple ones, but putting them into practice is hardâ€... These are not hollow words and the performance of the Austrian army in this battle is rife with examples.
For starters, the assault on Aspen, especially against the strong point there, wasn’t performed efficiently and caused too much losses and fatigue. All of the units involved in that battle reached the 600s in fatigue and stayed that way for most of the battle.
Once again, the traffic management proved to be a simple-turned-hard affair, in some instances managing to hold the advance on 2 whole Infantry regiments during 3 turns... The staff must practice harder moving men, guns and horses around in a more efficient way. Without a doubt, this was the single biggest self-inflicted flaw in our plan.
The second was when to change from column into line and back to column. There were some instances were this changes were ordered at the wrong place and/or at the wrong time, causing some unnecessary “bumping†on the part of my men and some delays –sometimes forcing me to scrap the whole plan I had for those units- because I couldn’t get them out of line formation and consequently couldn’t move them fast and far enough.
Finally, the skills of my opponent (and I’m not talking about Napoleon. In fact Napoleon is but a -short- puppet in the hands of this man!) forced me too be a bit too cautious in advancing. I’ve faced this man before and he can push hard and decisively and I was *cough* afraid *cough* he pulled that one again.
His decision to realign his forces in an almost parallel line to my advance stopped me on my tracks because all I could see was heavy cavalry –lots of it!- and it took me a while before I could figure out how to defeat that. One of my biggest traffic jams happened when I redeployed to face that threat.
In the end he caused me to hold back any serious exploring of the road on the extreme left of the battlefield, that would put me in a good position to threaten his rear. And I held my breath right to the end when looking into the Essling area, where he mounted a strong attack with his Guard units that I could only delay, but never check, plus a great counter-attack against my center with – you guess it- his heavy cavalry that, with night falling on the battlefield, I literally didn't see coming! This attack was surgically aimed at the junction of the formations in my center and shattered it completely. If this had gone on for 3, 4 more turns, I’m not sure I could have held Essling.
All in all a jolly good game! And now, if you don’t have any more questions, let me unbutton my uniform for a bit of...
Q: Sorry, Sir, but we’re out of time! From the charred fields of Aspern and Essling, hope you’ve enjoyed this broadcast! Signing out!
Austrian center before the charge of French heavy cavalry, at dusk. I literally didn't see it coming...
Final snapshot from our senario. The situation on the left side of the image was under effective austrian control, but in the center you can see the effect of Danny's cavalry charge that broke my center. On the right, although it may seem that I have advantage in numbers, most - if not all - of those french units are Guard-status... It was a very tense end-game, believe me! 
