That is a common situation amoung most warriors. My expierences were in Viet Nam and all my kids heard were the humorous things that happen. The death, destruction and mayhem are black memories that I do not share, but I feel most confortable when I am with other Viet Nam Marines.
I find this an
extremely interesting point.
Since I have taken a serious interest in war (though not on a professional basis), I always tried to understand: What does make a war happen? Basically, everyone knows that war is not a nice experience for almost everyone involved. So how come, that it 'works' time and again in human history?
I have understood a number of mechanisms which enable or ease war and killing on an individual basis as well as to bring it about in the grander scale. What I also found out that those who actually were in the thick of if very rarely speak of the 'idealism', the 'purpose', the 'justification', the 'patriotism' of the fighting. These are, so is my impression, motivations to sign up and to go. But they seem to play only a minor role, once actual fighting has been experienced. Then it appears to become more a matter to stick it out, and most importantly, help one's immediate buddies / platoon up to roughly company level to do the same, based on mutual trust that oneself would not be let down by them either.
I am imagining that for those who have fought and by personal experience know the death, destruction, mayhem and black memories the whole thing what war is really about might change rather fundamentally. Insofar as that those who did not share such an experience are simply not able 'to understand'. Probably this is why you and countless others feel comfortable among other veterans that 'do understand'.
Not talking about the death, destruction, mayhem and black memories of one's own war experiences will likely be intended to protect one's loved ones from these horrors. And maybe oneself, too. Though I am convinced that one will never be able to forget.
I was not yet deeply interested in war and conflict when relatives were still around who could have told me about their combat experiences in World War II. The ones who were handled it in a similar way as you. They would not talk about it by themselves. And they were rather reluctant or unable to do when queried.
Maybe it was for the reasons I mentioned. Maybe they feared that those who listend to them would be more interested in the 'attraction' of an exciting story. Or that they listenend against the background of the 'idealism', 'heroism', and 'adventure' aspects of war that they might 'know' from the movies while for the recounting veteran that 'movie' had been grim reality - and of couse it was not like a movie at all, nor about the things movies tell us what war is about.
In the end, I cannot tell for sure. And likely even I don't understand despite having dwelt on the matter for countless times and having read several 100,000 pages on various wars. I have not been there. And so far, no one who has been there was willing to answer.
I do respect that. And I would not trade the knowledge for the price of having been there myself.
The thing which concerns me about this are my worries that something might 'get lost in translation':
Those who have been in war are the only ones that really 'know'. I wish they could make the ones that weren't help 'understand'. If the knowledge about the real experiences of war fade or are not understood, then I am afraid that eventually new wars become more likely.
von Marwitz