Neutrino 123
28 Jul 06, 01:45
The install and licensing went smoothly, so rather then read the manual, I decided to start playing. For starters, I choose an easy scenario. I played as the Japanese in:
The Battle of Ulsan
Captain Neutrino 123 of the Tokiwa, third ship in the Japanese line, was not happy.
“This does not look like oatmeal to me,” he said to a crewman. “I was under the impression that oatmeal needed water to be added to it, lest it be inedible and dehydrating.”
“Sorry sir,” said the crewman. “I tried to boil some water, but the gas wasn’t working!”
‘Now I’m disgruntled,” said Captain Neutrino 123. “You know I don’t like being disgruntled.”
“I’ll contact the chief engineer. He’ll surely solve the problem,” said the crewman.
“Send in the next message,” commanded Neutrino 123.
The XO walked in.
“Ah, number one. What brings you here?” said Neutrino 123.
“Well sir, I thought you should know,” spoke the XO. “There’s a battle raging right about now, and I would suggest that it would be a good idea to fire the cannons.”
“Only I may give the order to fire the cannons!” said Neutrino 123. “You know how much I like to give the order to fire the cannons.”
“Yes, yes,” said the XO. “I remember what happened to the old XO when he fired the cannons without you, but I really think we should fire them now. There’s a battle going on, you know.”
As if to reinforce the point, a six inch shell landed nearby, causing an arm to fly into the bridge.
“Well, I suppose we can fire them if there’s a battle going on,” said the captain. “Okay men, fire the cannons!”
With a roar, the Tokiwa let loose a full salvo of eight and six inch shells. The battle had begun.
Meanwhile, aboard the Izumo, Vice Admiral Kamimura was confused.
“Make ships go straight!” he cried.
“Are you sure that’s a wise idea?” said one of his officers.
“O.K.” said Kamimura. “Ships no go straight. Ships TURN AROUND.”
All four of the Japanese armored cruisers turned around. Now the Iwate was leading the formation.
“Well,” said Captain Neutrino 123. “I’m not sure if that was a very good move.”
The Iwate started a series of crazy maneuvers that resulted in first the Russian and then the Japanese T briefly being crossed.
“Number one, do you have any idea what the guys in that ship are doing?” asked Neutrino 123 viewing through his binoculars. “They look a bit drunk from here.”
“No sir!” said the XO. “They’re clearly deranged.”
“Well, that’s an awful pity,” responded Neutrino123. “They are, after all, the leader of the squadron now. I don’t think it’s much to ask that that leader of the squadron isn’t mentally deranged. Do you number one?”
“Of course not sir!” the XO replied.
“Good,” said the captain as he left the bridge.
Neutrino 123 walked to the bow of the ship up to the crew of a light pom-pom gun.
“You guys look like you’ve been working really hard. How about you take a well-earned break?” asked Neutrino 123.
“Oh, we’re fine sir!” the gun commander said. “Actually, all we’ve been doing is sitting on our asses the entire battle. It’s not like the enemy has any torpedo boats for us to deal with… unless… those crafty Russians welded torpedo boats to the undersides of their ships, and instead of launching torpedoes at us, they’ll launch the torpedo boats! Quickly men! Be on the lookout for torpedo boat launches!”
“Well,” said Neutrino 123. “I can see these guys are needed here. They are really on the ball.”
Neutrino 123 walked over to another pom-pom mounting and relieved the crew there.
“Okay,” said the captain to his XO, “Watch and learn.”
Neutrino 123 pointed the pom-pom at the Iwate and opened fire.
BOOM! A direct hit on the rudder was scored. It was jammed, and the Iwate ebgan to swerve out of formation!
“See?” said Neutrino. “Now the Tokiwa is the leader!”
The XO cried, “but you said it is important for the fleet not to have a deranged leader! Also, we are going to crash!”
“Nonsense,” said Neutrino 123. “Using my physics skills, I already calculated at exactly what angle to fire at, jamming the rudder in a particular configuration so as to not crash. Of course, the uncertainty is plus or minus 60%, but that’s naval matters for you!”
The Tokiwa barely avoided collision, but now it was clearly the flagship.
http://img206.imageshack.us/img206/7425/ulsan1yc4.th.jpg (http://img206.imageshack.us/my.php?image=ulsan1yc4.jpg)
Captain Neutrino 123 ordered the ships to form up and continue pursuit, occasionally crossing the enemy’s rear T. Soon, the last enemy ship began to drop out of line, and the Iwate fixed the rudder with some duct tape. It began to attack the other side of the line.
http://img233.imageshack.us/img233/8231/ulsan2gq8.th.jpg (http://img233.imageshack.us/my.php?image=ulsan2gq8.jpg)
“Haha!” said Neutrino. “Now we have them surrounded! Wait a minute, this is naval warfare…”
With the leadership of the Tokiwa, the Japanese fleet continued to pour shells into the enemy ships.
http://img137.imageshack.us/img137/1364/ulsan3ff8.th.jpg (http://img137.imageshack.us/my.php?image=ulsan3ff8.jpg)
“Well, it seems the enemy has been defeated,” said Neutrino 123. “I’ve always wanted to try some Russian oatmeal. Signalman! Signal the Russians that if they give us some oatmeal, we’ll let them surrender!”
The signalman hurried off as the fleets continued the engagement.
“Well? Did they accept?” asked the captain as the signal man returned.
“There reply was…” cried the signalman, “It was… unspeakably rude!”
“Well? What did they say?” asked Neutrino 123.
“They said that… they would never give us any oatmeal!” said the signalman. “They they went on to say that they wouldn’t even sell us oatmeal, not even at twice the market price!.”
The signalman, who was an ardent capitalist, burst into tears.
“That’s it,” said Neutrino 123. “Now I’m HIGHLY disgruntled.
He proceeded to deal with the remaining ships.
http://img206.imageshack.us/img206/4716/ulsan4pf1.th.jpg (http://img206.imageshack.us/my.php?image=ulsan4pf1.jpg)
The final blow was dealt by a protected cruiser using whitehead torpedoes.
http://img233.imageshack.us/img233/2343/ulsan5jm3.th.jpg (http://img233.imageshack.us/my.php?image=ulsan5jm3.jpg)
Epilouge:
“Well, I’m sure that you had time to repair the gas while we were fighting the battle, eh?” asked Captain Neutrino 123.
“Well sir,” replied the Chief Engineer. “I was sort of busy managing damage control and all. We did suffer a few hits that needed to be duct-taped up.”
Suddenly, a crewman cam up with a bowl of oatmeal.
“Ah, finally,” said Neutrino 123.
He took out his fork and took a bit of oatmeal. Then he frowned.
“This… oatmeal… seems… odd…” said Neutrino 123. ‘Wait a minute… it seems that this oatmeal was… it was… not prepared in the normal fashion. This oatmeal was not made with boiling water. This oatmeal was… was… MICROWAVED. MUST KILL COOKS.”
Neutrino 123 whipped up his katana and proceeded to the kitchen, but all the cooks had already committed hara-kiri.
Later the gas came back and Neutrino 123 got to have normal oatmeal.
THE END!:)
The Battle of Ulsan
Captain Neutrino 123 of the Tokiwa, third ship in the Japanese line, was not happy.
“This does not look like oatmeal to me,” he said to a crewman. “I was under the impression that oatmeal needed water to be added to it, lest it be inedible and dehydrating.”
“Sorry sir,” said the crewman. “I tried to boil some water, but the gas wasn’t working!”
‘Now I’m disgruntled,” said Captain Neutrino 123. “You know I don’t like being disgruntled.”
“I’ll contact the chief engineer. He’ll surely solve the problem,” said the crewman.
“Send in the next message,” commanded Neutrino 123.
The XO walked in.
“Ah, number one. What brings you here?” said Neutrino 123.
“Well sir, I thought you should know,” spoke the XO. “There’s a battle raging right about now, and I would suggest that it would be a good idea to fire the cannons.”
“Only I may give the order to fire the cannons!” said Neutrino 123. “You know how much I like to give the order to fire the cannons.”
“Yes, yes,” said the XO. “I remember what happened to the old XO when he fired the cannons without you, but I really think we should fire them now. There’s a battle going on, you know.”
As if to reinforce the point, a six inch shell landed nearby, causing an arm to fly into the bridge.
“Well, I suppose we can fire them if there’s a battle going on,” said the captain. “Okay men, fire the cannons!”
With a roar, the Tokiwa let loose a full salvo of eight and six inch shells. The battle had begun.
Meanwhile, aboard the Izumo, Vice Admiral Kamimura was confused.
“Make ships go straight!” he cried.
“Are you sure that’s a wise idea?” said one of his officers.
“O.K.” said Kamimura. “Ships no go straight. Ships TURN AROUND.”
All four of the Japanese armored cruisers turned around. Now the Iwate was leading the formation.
“Well,” said Captain Neutrino 123. “I’m not sure if that was a very good move.”
The Iwate started a series of crazy maneuvers that resulted in first the Russian and then the Japanese T briefly being crossed.
“Number one, do you have any idea what the guys in that ship are doing?” asked Neutrino 123 viewing through his binoculars. “They look a bit drunk from here.”
“No sir!” said the XO. “They’re clearly deranged.”
“Well, that’s an awful pity,” responded Neutrino123. “They are, after all, the leader of the squadron now. I don’t think it’s much to ask that that leader of the squadron isn’t mentally deranged. Do you number one?”
“Of course not sir!” the XO replied.
“Good,” said the captain as he left the bridge.
Neutrino 123 walked to the bow of the ship up to the crew of a light pom-pom gun.
“You guys look like you’ve been working really hard. How about you take a well-earned break?” asked Neutrino 123.
“Oh, we’re fine sir!” the gun commander said. “Actually, all we’ve been doing is sitting on our asses the entire battle. It’s not like the enemy has any torpedo boats for us to deal with… unless… those crafty Russians welded torpedo boats to the undersides of their ships, and instead of launching torpedoes at us, they’ll launch the torpedo boats! Quickly men! Be on the lookout for torpedo boat launches!”
“Well,” said Neutrino 123. “I can see these guys are needed here. They are really on the ball.”
Neutrino 123 walked over to another pom-pom mounting and relieved the crew there.
“Okay,” said the captain to his XO, “Watch and learn.”
Neutrino 123 pointed the pom-pom at the Iwate and opened fire.
BOOM! A direct hit on the rudder was scored. It was jammed, and the Iwate ebgan to swerve out of formation!
“See?” said Neutrino. “Now the Tokiwa is the leader!”
The XO cried, “but you said it is important for the fleet not to have a deranged leader! Also, we are going to crash!”
“Nonsense,” said Neutrino 123. “Using my physics skills, I already calculated at exactly what angle to fire at, jamming the rudder in a particular configuration so as to not crash. Of course, the uncertainty is plus or minus 60%, but that’s naval matters for you!”
The Tokiwa barely avoided collision, but now it was clearly the flagship.
http://img206.imageshack.us/img206/7425/ulsan1yc4.th.jpg (http://img206.imageshack.us/my.php?image=ulsan1yc4.jpg)
Captain Neutrino 123 ordered the ships to form up and continue pursuit, occasionally crossing the enemy’s rear T. Soon, the last enemy ship began to drop out of line, and the Iwate fixed the rudder with some duct tape. It began to attack the other side of the line.
http://img233.imageshack.us/img233/8231/ulsan2gq8.th.jpg (http://img233.imageshack.us/my.php?image=ulsan2gq8.jpg)
“Haha!” said Neutrino. “Now we have them surrounded! Wait a minute, this is naval warfare…”
With the leadership of the Tokiwa, the Japanese fleet continued to pour shells into the enemy ships.
http://img137.imageshack.us/img137/1364/ulsan3ff8.th.jpg (http://img137.imageshack.us/my.php?image=ulsan3ff8.jpg)
“Well, it seems the enemy has been defeated,” said Neutrino 123. “I’ve always wanted to try some Russian oatmeal. Signalman! Signal the Russians that if they give us some oatmeal, we’ll let them surrender!”
The signalman hurried off as the fleets continued the engagement.
“Well? Did they accept?” asked the captain as the signal man returned.
“There reply was…” cried the signalman, “It was… unspeakably rude!”
“Well? What did they say?” asked Neutrino 123.
“They said that… they would never give us any oatmeal!” said the signalman. “They they went on to say that they wouldn’t even sell us oatmeal, not even at twice the market price!.”
The signalman, who was an ardent capitalist, burst into tears.
“That’s it,” said Neutrino 123. “Now I’m HIGHLY disgruntled.
He proceeded to deal with the remaining ships.
http://img206.imageshack.us/img206/4716/ulsan4pf1.th.jpg (http://img206.imageshack.us/my.php?image=ulsan4pf1.jpg)
The final blow was dealt by a protected cruiser using whitehead torpedoes.
http://img233.imageshack.us/img233/2343/ulsan5jm3.th.jpg (http://img233.imageshack.us/my.php?image=ulsan5jm3.jpg)
Epilouge:
“Well, I’m sure that you had time to repair the gas while we were fighting the battle, eh?” asked Captain Neutrino 123.
“Well sir,” replied the Chief Engineer. “I was sort of busy managing damage control and all. We did suffer a few hits that needed to be duct-taped up.”
Suddenly, a crewman cam up with a bowl of oatmeal.
“Ah, finally,” said Neutrino 123.
He took out his fork and took a bit of oatmeal. Then he frowned.
“This… oatmeal… seems… odd…” said Neutrino 123. ‘Wait a minute… it seems that this oatmeal was… it was… not prepared in the normal fashion. This oatmeal was not made with boiling water. This oatmeal was… was… MICROWAVED. MUST KILL COOKS.”
Neutrino 123 whipped up his katana and proceeded to the kitchen, but all the cooks had already committed hara-kiri.
Later the gas came back and Neutrino 123 got to have normal oatmeal.
THE END!:)